When was the last time you felt judged?
Was it when you walked into the gym feeling sized up by another woman and could immediately feel her eyes scrolling every inch of you?
Or, maybe you heard another lady criticize another co-worker that just received a promotion within the company?
Regardless of the situation, YOU can’t take it personally.
Judgment from others exists and quite honestly, there’s not much you can really do about it other than how YOU choose to respond to their actions.
Which leads me to a quick story…..
The other week I received a super hateful email from a woman whom I’ve never met and in the past, has signed up for my free challenges.
She basically tore me a new one, saying my content was mediocre, I was wasting her precious time with my videos and she would never subscribe to any of my offers. Fine. That was her opinion and she was entitled to how she felt.
I let the sting soak in for a moment and then responded with, “Okay! No problem. My bad if I wasted your time with my free content.”
I took a step back and asked myself, what could I have done differently? Anytime we get bombarded or attacked, isn’t the easy thing to do to respond with anger and lashing back at the person? I get it, we want to protect ourselves and our immediate response is one of defensiveness.
Criticism can be a tough pill to swallow.
It doesn’t matter how confident we are in our craft or how well we feel grounded and whole, comments such as those can still feel uncomfortable.
Next time you’ve been judged by another, here’s a few things I want you to consider before you react…..
- Ask yourself, “Is this really about me or the other person?” 9 times out of 10, it’s the other person and their own insecurities they’re dealing with. Or, they easily could have had a bad day and you were an easy target. Looking at the situation from a 3-party point of view, ask yourself, where is this person coming from with this statement or what’s going on with them to choose to behave this way? If you know the person, I can pretty much guarantee what they’re negatively saying about you is an issue they need to work on within themselves. Another example, a few years ago I had a woman constantly poke fun of me for how I ate, questioned why I enjoyed exercise and quite candidly, would belittle me in front of others to make herself feel superior. I quickly realized this had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her since she was very body conscious and currently not taking care of her own needs. Therefore, take note, if someone is making fun or judging you, it’s a given they’re jealous or wanting something you have that they haven’t quite implemented in their own life.
2. Instead of lashing out at the person, divert and engage in another activity you’re confident in until your emotions subside. Remember, emotions are like waves, they come and go and they always have a peak time so make sure you choose NOT to act out at the peak time. This is the time that often gets us into trouble and we might say/do the wrong thing because our emotions are so elevated. Instead, do an activity you enjoy or you’re confident in. For me, that’s strength training, I let out my frustration on the weights until I allow my emotions to settle and then I will often go back to the issue at hand and come at it with more empathy, understanding, and a logical mindset. I truly encourage you to do this. Next time someone judges you, don’t engage, do something else and come back to the issue after your emotions have calmed down.
3. Extend empathy to the other person. I know this is SO hard, especially when they’ve been the one judging you or talking negatively about you as a person. Instead of coming at it from a judgmental stance, look at it from the other person’s point of view. Are they in a place in their life where they might not be at the level you are? Is it easier to pull someone off a chair rather than help someone up onto your chair, for sure. However, you can take the road less traveled and choose to come at it with an empathic ear. Examine their life for a moment, maybe they don’t know any better and maybe this is the only way in which they know how to communicate? Maybe passive aggressive behavior comes naturally to them? As Jade Teta says, these are more of the base level humans and they act out of jealousy, anger, resentment, and greed. The more you continue to grow and evolve as a human, the more people want a taste of that and therefore, at times feel the need to bring you down a notch so they can feel on the same playing field. Just remember, there’s always enough to go around and there’s never a need to justify what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. Keep doing you, keep thriving, growing and evolving.
So, next time someone is quick to judge you, instead of lashing out, apply these 3 tips to help ease the blow. Ask yourself, is this really about me? How can I take care of myself to meet my emotional needs so I don’t act out of anger and maybe I just need to be a bit more empathic and see where this person is coming from? As they say, kill them with kindness. :)
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