I’ve done it and I still find myself doing it from time to time, and yes, it’s a total normal human reaction when we’re feeling less than optimal. Whether we realize it or not, we are basically exuding a type of behavior that lets others know we are not at peace or balance within, so it’s easier to shift the blame elsewhere.
Picture this, you’re feeling gross because you just had a baby a few months ago and haven’t had time to hit the gym or hair salon. You go to the mall with your baby in tow and walk into the nearest department store, and bam!- you see someone from high school. You look at her and god does she look amazing. She has on a killer pair of skinny jeans and rocks them perfectly, her hair is flawless and shiny and her skin is glowing. You quickly duck and turn the stroller in the opposite direction in fear she will see you. You think to yourself, “Ughhh, I’m so fat, only if I could be like X I would be so happy. I’m sure she’s doing amazing and has an incredible life. Here I am fat, just gave birth and wearing a pair of sweatpants with throw up on them.”
You’re at the gym and see another woman that’s in better shape than you. You’re with your friend and you nod in her direction critiquing by saying, “Look at her, her body is flawless. I bet she throws up or only eats lettuce and grilled chicken.” Your friend will respond with something similar in a means to make herself feel better.
We’ve all done it: gossiped, judged, critiqued, sniped, condescended, etc. about someone else to lift ourselves up for that brief moment in time. What’s interesting is when we make negative comments about another, the confident people in the room always know who we are aiming at….ourselves. You know the term, “you attract who you are.” how true is this? If I’m feeling judgy, pissy, and negative I will absolutely attract others to join my tribe. However, if I’m happy, confident, positive and joyful (which is our natural state btw) then that’s who I will attract in my life. We all have a choice. Case in point, if you spend your entire day talking a bunch of bullshit, creating a negative cloud and staying in a judgmental state then that’s what you’ll get in return. This type of behavior literally translates into an ego-based self which never concludes with a positive ending. The ego is always self-centered, not centered with themselves.
Ever notice when you have a friend that continues to date people who might be incredibly unhealthy for them? They might say, “Ugh, why do I always get the bad guys.” Because guess what-you haven’t taken a hard look within yourself to figure out why you’re attracting those men to begin with. What about when we say, “I can never lose the weight, I try a program, quit and then gain the weight again!” It all starts from the inside, which then bleeds to the outside. It’s never about the food or men to begin with, those have been our coping tools and crutch for when we weren’t feeling whole within. Unless you fix the inside, you will NEVER fix the outside. That I can promise you.
Same with comparing, we have no clue what our high school friend we saw at the mall is going through. Maybe she’s skinner than normal because she’s under a great deal of stress and although her hair is shiny and she’s wearing designer jeans, that doesn’t make her any happier. Let’s focus on comparing ourselves to ourselves! Compare to how you were yesterday. Do a mental check: am I more positive today? am I handling situations in a calmer manner, am I choosing to think of the good things about someone?
Comparing and judging get us nowhere, fast! Let’s do ourselves a favor and reflect in and let our true selves shine in this world!